Anyone who has ever struggled with an addiction knows the meaning of “withdrawal.” It’s the usually unpleasant way that the body struggles to adjust itself when the addictive substance is cut off from it. We’ve heard of “the shakes,” “the sweats,” you name it.

Love is addictive, too—perhaps even in the same way as a narcotic drug. It’s emotionally addictive. And the withdrawal symptoms can be just as severe, just as painful. Withdrawal symptoms can include depression, anger, grief, sometimes even physical illness.

The past several months since the divorce have been the throes of withdrawal from 9½ years of living with that drug called “Love.” There have been a lot of symptoms: the grief of loss, the depression, the anger, the regret that maybe I didn’t do enough or did too much, the times of thinking “If I had only…”. There’s been the emotional—and perhaps physical—withdrawal from things like sex, intimacy, closeness. There is the desire to hole up in my own cave and never trust anyone with my emotions and self again.  I guess that is pretty much what I have done since then. “I Walk Alone”—the song makes perfect sense to me after the past several months.

From having tasted of the past 9½ years I’ve learned other things along the way.

I have many “online” and “virtual” friends thanks to social media and virtual world hangouts like Flickr®, Facebook, MySpace®, Second Life®, etc. The problem is that none of those relationships—as “real” as they may seem—can ever replace physical, face-to-face intimacy.  They can’t curl up and snuggle with you at night and keep you warm in bed. They are not hearts that you can rest your head on and relax to the sound of their beating at the end of a busy and stressful day, or when things aren’t right and you need a real shoulder to cry on and a real ear to listen to you.  They just can’t fill that void that was opened up in the loss of a real, physical, long-term, intimate relationship.

And perhaps this is my biggest regret.

But, like drug withdrawal, the symptoms do pass with time.  How long depends on how grateful I am for what I do have and for the opportunities that lie ahead, and how willing I am not to fall into the trap of withdrawing completely from other people.

I guess for me it may take longer than I thought.